Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
This couple is walking their pig around campus
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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