Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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