You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
