I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
