i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
