I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
