There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
