i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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