If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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