Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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