I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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