so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
