I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
stop calling my apartment porn island.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
