Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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