I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
My Higher Power is John Stamos
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
