watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
