I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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