It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
