So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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