We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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