it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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