It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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