He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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