I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
