Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
