I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
