yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
