I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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