he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
