OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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