Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Randomize
