Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
