I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I have feelings that need drinking.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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