I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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