So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
