i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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