I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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