At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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