Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
