I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
