If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
