your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
