Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
This beer is not sobering me up at all
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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