I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
