I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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