a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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