You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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