Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
