I looked at my own cervix.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
