My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
