im drinking this country out of the recession.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
