I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Randomize
