Banned from zoo.
Again?
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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