My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
