I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I would ride that face into the sunset
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
