I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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