I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
So. Much. Porn.
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