Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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