There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
