Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
