I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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