well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
