thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
