3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
You may now shotgun with the bride
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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