After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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