Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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