Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
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