they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
