Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Just pee around me
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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