I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
