The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
