Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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