You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
