i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
