Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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