Are we in a gay sports bar?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
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